Seriously Folks ?!?

We've all been there. Victim to those moments when you just would love to know what in tarnation the other person was thinking, or more importantly, who authorized them to be out in public.   My husband and I have wasted far too much time as of late chuckling over this stuff and it seemed too good not to share a few of our personal favorite experiences.

The folks at the local mall who feel any free spot of curb is fair game for a parking space. If there is cement, they will park, whether it's an actual legal spot or not. Local law enforcement seems to feel this is just fine and dandy. I shudder to think what would happen at Christmas with a fire or medical emergency needing actual space. And the epidemic is spreading. I caught it now appearing at a Target near me this weekend. Here's a thought. Park in the parking space at the end of the lot and walk like the rest of us. It's healthy and it won't kill you.

One last time. Repeat after me. I know I have my hands full. So, when I/We are out and about with three children and one or more are fussing or melting down; unless you are willing to grab a diaper or a bottle and pony up to help,  no one is interested in making conversation with you and hearing how busy we are. Oh, and no need to roll your eyes when you can't make eye contact with me because I am WATCHING my children and not paying attention to your insane need to tell me that I (1) have twins and (2) have my hands full. Yeah, my husband caught you.

Fashion Police Alert: if you have a muffin top or beer belly, please I beg you, cover it up! Target has some stylish and affordable options. There is no need for a belly shirt. Ever.

I need help understanding why there is a subpopulation who finds it necessary to treat every crosswalk as an opportunity to sashay down their own personal runway. They look foolish and cause drivers to become impatient, nearly taking out those of us trying to cross in a reasonable amount of time with small children, sans a fierce runway strut.

Why must some people start up with dagger eyes and audible sighs the moment a family with children sits down to eat in a restaurant? I can assure you, no one in my group slipped the hostess a $50 to seat us next to you to ruin your meal. Keep it up buddy, and I can promise you that I will allow my children to leave their manners back in the coat check along with yours.

Now anyone who lives in the beltway can appreciate this:  Unless you live on a deserted island or got your driver's license in the last twenty minutes, I am reasonably sure you have seen both a dented car and someone getting issued a ticket before. So why rubberneck and hold up traffic for 45 minutes? Keep it moving and keep it safe.

Jets fans. Yankees fans. Lakers fans. Flyers fans. No further explanation needed.

And don't even get me started on those parents who have to post every little thing their child does on Facebook along with 100 pictures a week..... Oh. Wait. Ha Ha... This is awkward. That's ME!

What "Seriously Folks?" moment have you encountered recently that made you stop and take pause?

Things I am Obsessed with - January

It's a new year, new month and new things to obsess over for 2011.  While I am still sorting through the fashion and beauty trends I like, here's a quick round-up of some items in general I am dying for right now.

The 50th anniversary of the inaugural address for a great president whose term and legacy was sadly cut short. I cannot put down The Kennedy Detail. A compelling account of the story of his presidency just prior to, and the assassination as told by his Secret Service agents, who are breaking their silence for the first time. The guilt is palpable from the pages, and their perspective on that fateful day is unparalleled.

With a resolution to bring back the family dinner into our hectic lives, comes dessert (in moderation of course!). Enter A World of Cake, a stunning cookbook that provides recipes and stories of cakes from around the world and for all occasions. Tackled thus far? The Queen Ann's Cake from England, aka Carrot Cake. Yum. Also included are surprisingly easy frosting recipes. 

Being the bookworm that I am, I discovered online yesterday the most amazing bookends that I must own before the year is out. Ideally before May is out (I fortunately have a birthday, Nurses' week and Mother's day in a three week period - with a generous husband....) Enter the Carmen Object and Bookend from Lunares Home. A most delightful platform shoe bookend made from recycled materials, hand made, cast in a metal alloy, promised to never tarnish, chip, peel or crack.  $115.  Consider it a work of art for your home. 

While there are still a couple more months of Old Man Winter upon us, and snow is predicted for the next day or so, the resort and pre-spring catalogs are rolling in. One of my favorite children's catalogs has me giddy with anticipation for warm weather with this backyard toadstool table and chair set - our backyard had plenty of trees and shade to tuck this away in and let the imaginations run the day!

$450 at Chasing Fireflies.  The table and chairs are made of resin and weatherproofed. Perfect for Indoors and Out.

Three kids means there are days I am convinced I might die without a cup or two or three of coffee to function. Enter my Starbucks addiction. Thankfully they have heard my call that the Venti size just isn't big enough - Now introducing the Trenta size for those iced drinks on the days a hot beverage won't do. 31 ounces of unadulterated iced coffee or iced chai bliss. Now. If the Starbucks corporate suits would recognize some of us working weekend folk would LOVE a Trenta hot option for a weekend to sip on all morning. Dee-licious.  Available for iced drinks only May 3rd everywhere.

Pantone's color of the year. Did you even know Pantone released a color of the year each year? It shows up in our clothing, home decorating trends, jewelry etc. This year, it's Honeysuckle. 

I must be on testosterone overload in my house, because I am loving this proclamation and trying to figure out just how much I can incorporate it into the house and my look. So tired of the Navy, Khaki, Orange and Army Greens that run my life as of late. Bring on the honeysuckle!  ( I am sure my husband can't wait for 2012 and a new color of the year to come quickly and save him....)

There you have it. My current obsessions. See you in February when hopefully I will have figured out what fashion and beauty ideas for 2011 I am going to get the year started with, and then head into Spring and Summer with.    What has caught your fancy in the new year?           

A Real Housewife versus the Real Housewives

There is a Bravo channel phenomenon that has been sweeping the nation since roughly 2005. I am speaking of the "Real Housewives" franchise that originated in Orange County, California and spun-off into New York, Atlanta, New Jersey, Washington D.C. and now Beverly Hills. Like many, I watched fascinated with the wealth, the lifestyle, the catfights and this whole notion that they were representing a "real housewife". It's slowly growing old to me and somewhat ridiculous as we have now been exposed to this season after season, and now with the current RHoBH incarnation. Let's be honest. None of these ladies could honestly last for a day as a real housewife in my life. Let's try and picture Camille Grammer without her four nannies wrestling with my three boys. I'm giggling already at the visual of the first five minutes.

This real housewife has no servants. I know my kids names. I change diapers on three children. I plan and feed them three meals. EVERY DAY. It's (gasp) not all organic, because hey, it's a recession and we are on a (double gasp) budget. I make beds and do their own laundry right down to owning stock in Spray n'Wash for various boy stains that I treat myself.  I lug two carts around the grocery store and Target to get the household chores and shopping done. One for the kids and one for the items. I am loathe to use a sitter most times, no one can do it better than my husband or myself - Nanny who? I am a champion at detangling curls and wrangling a child to cut their nails and clean their ears. I read a mean bedtime story and always remember to include voices.

I can play trucks, sing nursery rhymes, hide and go seek, pull wagons and build blocks with the best of them. I don't worry about breaking a nail and I gave up lipstick the day my oldest was born. I have to beg to find time to get my own hair done. I shop sales and hunt at end-of season for some ridiculous bargains and, yes, I am have been known to be a Maxxinista. There has been days we all play in pajamas until dinnertime when a fresh pair goes on post dessert. And there has been days the boys are the only ones I can manage to get dressed.  My life sure did change when I had kids, and I chose it willingly, eyes wide open the entire way.

I clean my own house. I dust. I vacuum. I wash windows. I scrub showers and toilets. I spring clean, I fall clean. I in-between clean. I am my own house manager. All while holding down a full-time job.

Can the Real Housewives do that? This real housewife thinks not.

Ode to My Family

Kind
Energetic
Inspiring
True-Blue
Honest

Loving Kindness
Inimitable
Amazing
Mischievous

Exuberant
Limitless
Incredible

Nervy
Open
Adventurer
Hard-boiled

My four boys. I love them in so many more words than described above and wouldn't have it any other way.

How would you describe your family if you had to choose one word for each letter of their name?

Can what is lost be found?

There seems to be days, weeks and months even when I play a certain swan song. A song whose lyric runs that of the "I just don't have the time variety." Does the refrain sound familiar? Each day starts out with the best of intentions and suddenly I find 3 hours have passed, filled with diaper changes, snacks, temper tantrums, or each child needing individual versus group attention. Then we start all over again with lunchtime. All the while those good intentions get lost and the laundry piles up, dusting gets neglected, the lawn needs to be mowed and the car oil changed.

I wish I could tell you I was efficient with nap time. I used to be. I used to even be able to find time to nap with my oldest and still get it all done. With three, nap time  is best used to hurriedly straighten up for round two and that's on the days I can even get all three to nap. Because, after all your best efforts, why on earth would three little boys ever stick to the same schedule for anything?

I am still waiting for the magic formula on how I should reclaim lost time. Not let the good intentions get left behind. It never fails to appear that the harder I try, the worse my efficiency gets. Or three little ones actively seek to sabotage me.  Now there's a theory I can work with. I am quite confident a mother could do a lot with two or three more efficient, thus found hours.

I will find time for that mani/pedi on more than an annual basis.
I will find time to dust once a week.
I will find time to create deliciously gourmet - okay, just deliciously home cooked - meals for my family on non-work days.
I will find time to give each child the proper balance of group and individual attention.
I will find time to plan fun daytime out of the house activities for us.
I will find time to pick away at one home improvement project a month.
I will find time for my running.
I will find time to rediscover the joy of reading.

Now, if I could just find that time to get started on the list.

A Southern State of Snow?

When winter comes, I pride myself on being tougher than most around these parts, now living below the Mason-Dixon line. I spent my first thirty years in northern Vermont and consider myself a bit of an expert on what a "real" winter is and how to drive properly in the snow. I grew up going to school with three feet of snow on the ground (hey, as long as there's no ice...) and I love to tell my husband I practically put the chains on the school bus snow tires myself.  We certainly never went to the grocery store in a blind panic when the weatherman starts whispering the "s" word and a half-inch on the ground doesn't even warrant a conversation about the weather.

When I headed south to Virginia for graduate school, it was more than a little bit of a culture change for in terms of how one dealt with Old Man Winter. I remember the first day I woke to the alarm clock and my local NPR bursting with school closings. I ran excitedly to the window thinking I would see soft white snow having fallen overnight, reminding me of home. Instead I was greeted with signs of the end of autumn - dry brown grass. No snow.  No ice. Perhaps a 30 degree temperature. Are you kidding me? Cancel school simply because it's cold? In my wildest childhood fantasies such a thing never did occur.  Then came an actual snowstorm. Two things shocked me. One, the amount of people who seemed to be of the belief that owning an SUV meant that they could and should be out driving in heavy snow. Um, do you understand why you are now sitting in that ditch dialing the state police, you brain surgeon you? And two, the mad rush folks make to the grocery store for bread, milk, eggs and toilet paper as if those 4 essential items are all  you need to hold you over for a week.

Now granted, I did send my husband out last year for a full grocery shop just as the snowpocalypse of 2010 hit us. I was pregnant and on bedrest, along with our toddler and I understand that occasionally a storm will come along that warrants a trip to the store in preparation. But more often than not, living here, I've found the snow is gone in two days. I am guessing that the grocery run could be better spent on items such as the fixings for a nice tenderloin dinner and have yourself a nice warm meal in lieu of that stockpile of toilet paper which will now carry you into the next decade.

I'll admit. I have already gone soft with the temperatures. I get wimpy and fuss when the thermometer goes below 50, as that's much too cold for this fragile flower; preferring a nice sunny 80 degree day. Thus my husband loves to throw the tough northern girl card right back at me when I complain. Yesterday morning I found myself driving into work in a bit of a snow squall with less than a half of an inch on the ground. Drivers were already on the highway at 5 am being silly, driving fast, driving slow, stomping on brakes, creating a general sense of panic. I did drive steady and calm. But had I spotted a grocery store en route, I just might have pulled over myself, bagels and scrambled eggs on me.

A look back to say Goodbye and Farewell

With the turn of every new year, there is always a moment or two of self-reflection where one might look back, pause and say "What was I thinking?"  2010 proved to be no exception as a year filled with such moments.

*Standing in a line for 8 hours on iPhone 4 release day with a toddler and two infants. My husband assured me if I went at a "reasonable" hour, I wouldn't be there for more than just a couple hours, after all, he was in and out in just three! Eight. Hours. Thank goodness for a too kind sister-in-law who hung with me for all eight hours (after her own three hour wait) and a mother-in-law who rescued the toddler after hour five. We got into the Apple store just as the formula ran out. Never again.

*Thinking that I could actually order multiple pairs of boots in multiple colors from J.Crew. And that I would be able to intercept the package from my husband, who would then be none the wiser. When I wore then boots, I could slyly just answer "Oh, this old thing? It's been in the closet.... awhile" when asked how long I've owned them (he never misses anything, the guy can sniff out a purchase at thirty paces).  Only I never counted on the UPS man delivering on the day I work and hubby doing early day care pick up EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. Oh Bootgate 2010, I am still trying to live you down and perhaps be allowed to shoe shop this year.

* Trying to have a nice quiet lunch post the twins two month checkup at the Olive Garden, as our toddler was at daycare for the day. Except we didn't count on the fact that our waitress had apparently never seen nor heard of  fraternal twins before. She not only paraded every staff member she could find by our table, she stationed herself right next to us and talked to us throughout the entire meal. Extra conversation, you got it! Second helping of breadsticks.... suddenly she's busy. She even remarked to us at one point how we must never get the chance to go out together anymore more and enjoy each other's company. Ya think? How sad that when we left another member of the waitstaff crew told us they were sorry we couldn't eat our meal in peace. Talk about your Twilight Zone.

Can't wait to see how 2011 pans out.