Things no one ever tells you prior to Parenthood....

Parenthood is an exclusive club many of us cannot wait to join once we take that plunge into the pits of responsibility.  We envision pint sized versions of ourselves chasing us around emulating only the best characteristics we have to offer and put forth onto the world. And why wouldn't we? It is the single most rewarding unpaid job we'll ever have that we chose willingly and would again and again. 


Now, if only I had been told prior to actually becoming a Parent:


That their ear infections would equal pneumonia for Mommy. Literally.


Thanks to Kate Gosselin and Octomom, freebies for twins has Dried. Up. 


Everything you buy requires batteries and assembly.


Some of your most intelligent conversations will center around coupons, Gymboree bucks and Baby Gap end of season sales. 


That you really do become your parents. "Put your socks on! Eat  your vegetables! Brush your teeth!"


That the kids have a sensor button for parental bedtimes. It's fail proof and goes off five minutes after your head hits the pillow every time.


That Dads are a hero when they show up at the pediatrician's office with all three kids, but Moms don't even rate a second glance from staff for the same task. 


Fish sticks are a highly under rated food. 


How loud twins, or two babies, are crying simultaneously. Invest in good earplugs.


You'll take pride in becoming a minivan owner.... happily.


That the first birthday party equals a mortgage payment. No one is quite sure how it happens, but it just does. Enjoy it, because the 2nd birthday is on a budget. 


Your toddler won't be able to pick up his crayons, but will be able to program the satellite TV remote, turn on the XBox and pick out a game as well as operate the iPhone 4.


One twin will start to bully the other one prior to age one and you'll spend the day playing referee. 


You couldn't tell a soul what happened on Grey's last week and you finally gave up those Housewives from Bravo, but you can recount in detail the last ten episodes of Dora.


Your heart will be toast because you fell in hopelessly in love in the first five seconds of meeting all three and you'd die yourself before letting any of them know a minute of sadness. You'd do anything for them at the drop of hat, including making homemade macaroni and cheese from scratch because one of them offhandedly asked for "macamoni."  


You firmly believe their laughter one day could create world peace.